By: Tony Zurlo

Making the rounds inside the Beltway are the latest candidates for the upcoming Barbed Wire Film Awards gala to be presented soon at the Lincoln Memorial. Among the films favored to win Barbed Wires are a group produced by Republican Studios (ReSt), a branch of the Republican National Committee (RNC), and directed by RNC Chair Ken Mehlman.

The films themselves feature many popular Beltway actors, most of whom perform regularly on FOX News. Almost all of these stars have studied with the soon-to-be legendary drama teacher, George W. Bush, or Dubya the Magnificent, as his adoring fans prefer.

Sweeping through the Beltway drawing huge crowds is the entry in the Legal Conundrum category titled Corporation Court, a riveting drama starring two of Dubya the Magnificent’s long-time favorites. One, John G. Roberts, has been under contract to ReSt for decades. His co-star, Harriet Miers, served for more than a decade as Dubya the Magnificent’s personal legal-advisor. However, she had almost no stage experience before being tapped as the leading lady in Corporation Court.

Another ReSt film that has drawn sizeable crowds is the suspense thriller Steal and Deal, starring Tom Delay and David Safavian. With formidable reviews from critics piling up, Steal and Deal is an early favorite for a Barbed Wire for Best Picture in the Public-be-Damned category. Both Delay and Safavian told FOX News that they expect to win Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor for their performances.

The sleeper film of the season is ReSt’s entry in the Spy Thriller category titled Outted and Never Pouted, starring Karl Rove and Scooter Libby. Popularly credited with creating the Dubya’s magnificence, Rove prefers to pull the puppet strings rather than appear in public performances. However, when Dubya’s credibility as president of ReSt was at risk, Rove sacrificed his privacy to star in the film. Libby had no choice but to co-star with Rove in Outted and Never Pouted. When Libby went to his boss, Dick Cheney the Wizard, to protest, the Wizard had already checked into an isolation ward at Walter Reed.

No serious film studio would go a season without a movie about social-economic conditions in America. These heart-tuggers attract upper-class citizens who believe they can deduct the ticket price from their earned income as educational expenses. ReSt’s entry this season is the tear-jerker SELL! The plot revolves around a rich man who owns a chain of hospitals about to lose money and stars Bill Frist, who actually struggled with a similar problem in real life. Critics who have previewed the film report mixed reactions to the acting, unable to determine if Frist was trained by Dubya the Magnificent or acted on his own.

In the Travel-Adventure category, ReSt stepped outside the immediate political circle to recruit lobbyist Jack Abramoff and a few of his buddies to star in the exotic art film From Guam to the Mississippi Choctaw and the Louisiana Coushatta, and the Agua Caliente, and the Sandia Pueblo, etc., etc., etc. ReSt’s Brain Tank, Plotting for U.S. Supremacy (PUSS), stalled the release of the film until the title was changed. The film can be seen in theaters today under the title Holiday Our Way. PUSS cut the film’s length dramatically so Holiday Our Way would be eligible for the Magnificent Barbed Wire Humanitarian Award.

Of all the film genres, Natural Disasters attracts the largest audiences every year. ReSt searched tirelessly for the perfect mix of actors to shoot The Good Ole Boys. The studio brought in former FEMA Director Michael Brown, Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff, and Mr. Cheney the Wizard for guest appearances. Unfortunately, a recent ReSt press release announced that filming of The Good Ole Boys has been delayed by a series of storms that mysteriously appeared in the Gulf of Mexico.

Rumor has it that Dubya the Magnificent has stepped in and demanded that the storms be silenced. In fact, reliable liars claim that he has interrupted his weekends in the saddle chasing after anti-war protesters near his Crawford ranch to kick-start production of The Good Ole Boys by pledging to play the leading role himself.

Stay tooned for an update! If these rumors prove to be true, Dubya the Magnificent is in line to win a Barbed Wire for Best Actor for his performance in The Good Ole Boys.

Tony Zurlo a writer/educator living in Arlington, TX. He teaches writing and African/Asian culture at Tarrant County College. He has also taught in schools in Nigeria, China and the United States. Tony has published poetry and short fiction in more than sixty journals, magazines, and anthologies, as well as non fiction books on the topics of Vietnam, China, Hong Kong, Japan, Japanese Americans, and West Africa.