By: Mary Lyon

The beginning of the end is here. This week brings us the opening round of the 2004 Presidential Debates. More than a few are saying the debates will clinch it for one of the two sides.

I know which side I’m cheering for. In fact, I’d like to do more than just cheer. I’d like to coach. I’ve got a few good ideas, and some of my friends and colleagues have a few more. With great thanks and appreciation to folks like Michael Moore, Will Pitt, Leigh Addams, Dave the Class Warrior, “TruthIsAll” and “demwing2,” Mr. Kerry, if you’re scouring the internet for ideas, I hope your eyes stop HERE:

There will SURELY be a number of predictable buzz phrases and pandering laugh lines from George Bush. You know ‘em already. Heck, any of us could probably run a campaign on them, considering what so many Americans will allow themselves to be duped into taking seriously. I feel almost as though I could do it in my sleep at this point.

All together now:

“America is safer (9/11).” “They hate us for our freedoms (9/11).” “You know where I stand – you cannot lead if people don’t know where you stand (9/11).” “People are going back to work (9/11).” “America has turned the corner (9/11).” “My opponent voted for the war before he voted against it (9/11).” “It’s better to fight terrorists on their turf than here in America (9/11)” “There are a few troublemakers in Iraq, but otherwise, we’re making progress over there (9/11).” “Saddam was a threat and we HAD to take him out (9/11).” “The world is better off without Saddam (9/11).” “The tax cuts are working (9.11).” “I earned an honorable discharge and I’m proud of my service in the Texas Air National Guard (9/11).” “9/11 Changed Everything (9/11).”

Straight away, I’d offer a couple of good one-liners for John Kerry to smack most of these back at his opponent, and they’re straight out of “How I Won Those Pesky Debates While Not Breaking a Sweat OR Mussing Up My Hair” by Ronald Reagan.

Response number one: THERE YOU GO AGAIN.

Response number two: “ARE YOU BETTER OFF THAN YOU WERE FOUR YEARS AGO?”

Now, as to those one-liners-du-George, my above-mentioned friends and I have come up with a few responses. My favorite is actually inspired by a recent statement from Michael Moore that’s well worth repeating:
Bush: “My opponent voted for the war before he voted against it.”
Kerry: “That’s because I TRUSTED MY PRESIDENT.” Mr. Bush, I trusted you, and took you at your word. I believed what you told me. And you LIED. You BETRAYED my trust. You LIED to me. You LIED to everyone watching this debate. You LIED to everyone who isn’t watching. You LIED to the entire world. We ALL trusted you. And you BETRAYED US ALL. And you BETRAYED more than one thousand Americans who’ve died in a war you LIED about, and whose coffins you won’t even honor with so much as a photograph on the evening news.

Some others – Bush: “I earned an honorable discharge and I’m proud of my service.” Kerry: “So did the DC sniper. And, as long as you’re talking about being proud of your service, which part of that service are you proudest of? The part where you skipped out to Alabama, and then skipped out from there? The part where you gamed the system to get in, and gamed the system some more to get around it, and then gamed the system some more to get out early? The part where you got to stay home and safe, while others went to war? The part where THEIR names are up on that black stone wall in Washington, so yours could stay free of it? And WHY didn’t you take the flight physical? Where were you and what were you up to?”

Bush: “Saddam was bad, blah-blah-blah, the world is better off without Saddam, blah-blah-blah.”
Kerry: “Only an administration as inept as yours could remove Saddam and wind up making the world more dangerous. The inspections were working. Saddam was contained. And we still most of our allies on our side. Our word still meant something. America stood tall. And despite the delusional fantasies you try to sell us in Iraq, things are NOT better, or safer, or closer to democracy over there. There aren’t a lot of new schools. There aren’t a lot of new jobs. There’s no electricity for large parts of the day. You can’t go shopping or out to dinner whenever you like – and people used to be able to do that, pretty easily, when Saddam was in power. You’re not even safe inside the Green Zone anymore.”

Bush: “I would rather fight the terrorists in Iraq rather than here on Main Street.”
Kerry: “What you’ve done is to guarantee that we will have to fight more terrorists THAN EVER – all over the world. And, yes, that means right here at home, too. Iraq was no cradle of terrorism before we went into Iraq. But YOU, Mr. Bush, turned it into that with YOUR war. And since YOUR Homeland Security Department – which you opposed before you supported it – isn’t fully funded – by money you told all the cameras and microphones was coming before you cut the funding, when everyone’s backs were turned, anybody can slip anything through anywhere, here. At our airports, in our harbors, across our borders. EVERYWHERE.”

Bush: “They hate us for our freedoms.”
Kerry: “What exactly do you mean by that, Mr. Bush? What freedoms in particular do they hate? The ones the Patriot Act has stomped on? Are you suggesting we trash our freedoms so we can make that hatred stop? Which freedoms would you give up? Is THAT what our founders designed, and what they fought and died for – so YOU can decide what freedoms we can keep? And if they hate us for our freedoms, why is it so important to you to send our children off to die in Iraq – to thrust those same freedoms on the Iraqis? Will the Iraqis have the same freedoms we have now – where dissent is suppressed, and dissenters lose their jobs, or suffer threats of violence and vandalism, or are told to shut up, or are forced to sign loyalty oaths to you, or are arrested if they speak out (as Sue Niederer was, when she interrupted Laura Bush’s brainless blathering to protest her son’s martyrdom in Iraq)? Is this what Sue’s son died for?”

Bush: “The tax cuts are working…people are going back to work.”
Kerry: “They are? Where? India? Doing what? Flipping burgers? And if people are going back to work – how’s their job security? Their benefits? Their health insurance? Their overtime pay? Speaking of pay, are they making the same salary they were before they were laid off? And about those tax cuts - How come the middle class got left out, and those who don’t need any economic help got that help anyway? If the tax cuts are working, why is our economy in the worst shape ever? Why is our federal deficit worse than it’s ever been – in American history? YOU are supposed to be a Harvard MBA, Mr. Bush. Why has our economy gone to hell since you took over? What were you doing when you were supposed to be in class, studying economics – what class did you take there – Budget-Busting for Fun and Profit?”

Bush: “People know where I stand. You can’t lead if people don’t know where you stand.”
Kerry: “You SHOULDN’T lead if you’re going to lead people right over a cliff. You can take a stand, but when the evidence and the experts and people who DON’T LIE TO US repeatedly show that your stand is wrong, you SHOULDN’T lead if you stick with that wrong stand. A TRUE leader listens to many points of view, draws out the best wisdom from them, and then acts. You aren’t leading when you only listen to the people who tell you what you want to hear. And a true leader knows when he’s made a bad decision and needs to change direction. A true leader will be honest about it, and do what’s necessary to correct the mistake. And a TRUE WAR LEADER will NEVER LIE about our reasons for going to war.

Bush: “9/11 changed everything!”
Kerry: “if that’s true, then what YOU are saying, Mr. Bush, is that the terrorists did win, after all. And you’ve helped them win. Everything we know and love and are willing to fight for about America is gone – and it’s happened ON YOUR WATCH. The worst terrorist attack on American soil happened ON YOUR WATCH, when you’d been warned, many times and in many ways, by many people, including those who helped foil the last attempted terrorist strike – on the Millennium. Our freedom to come and go as we like, buy and sell what we like, live how we like, love whom we like, read what we like, and say what’s on our minds – all that freedom is either gone, or on the ropes. And it’s all happened ON YOUR WATCH.”

Those are just some samples of the replies I’d like to see and hear over the next few weeks as the debaters square off. A few more tips, Mr. Kerry: First, The Don’ts: Do NOT waste a nanosecond agreeing with ANYTHING your opponent has to say. I know the Brookings Institution likes that approach, but it only reinforces the misconception that you offer nothing different from Bush. Don’t refer to him as “the president” or “Mr. President,” or “President Bush.” You don’t want to reinforce THAT revolting image, either. Don’t be afraid to use the “L” word, because Bush has been consistent about one major thing: his endless LIES. And don’t let him get the last word. Literally and figuratively. I hope your summation goes last. And I hope you won’t allow ANY of his jabs find their mark, or hang there unanswered and unrefuted.

Now The Do’s: SMILE. Be warm and human and be mindful of your stagecraft. Remember the ONE thing people still mention about the Kennedy/Nixon debates. NO ONE can recall what was said. But they can still wax near-brilliant about the WAY it was all said, and how sinister Nixon looked with his sweating, his frowning, and his five o’clock shadow, compared to JFK’s cool, commanding telegenics. That’s about the same thing you can expect from the Russerts, Woodruffs, Humes, and Greenfields. Keep in mind what we in radio have done forever – that you’re only talking to ONE person – some friend or neighbor, really. Bring your best and most memorable one-liners and get a laugh or two at the expense of your opponent. Make sure you have enough examples of Bush’s flip-flopping if he tries to hang that on you. Shouldn’t be difficult to think up a few thousand – that’s basically what Bush does for a living (when he’s not hustling off to another vacation, that is). And stand tall. Bush fixer James Baker has negotiated the debate terms so that your lecterns are fairly far apart. Baker knows Bush is five inches shorter than you are, and he doesn’t want your height advantage minimizing his man. I’ll bet he’ll order lifts to be fitted inside Bush’s shoes that night – perhaps if you goad him enough he’ll fall off of them.

Remember, YOU are the combat veteran, Mr. Kerry. YOU’VE seen war up close and personal. That cardboard-cowboy you’re facing never has, and can only joke that raising twins is a harder job, when he’s not taunting our enemies to “bring ‘em on” from some cozy, luxurious, well-guarded safe haven where he will never feel the repercussions. Your Purple Hearts are the real thing – not some tawdry drawing on a band-aid (which is the closest Bush will EVER come to a wound decoration).

You’re known as a Great Closer. It’s Closing Time. Now go get ‘em!

Mary Lyon spent the first 25 years of her adult life as a broadcast journalist, at Los Angeles radio stations KRTH-FM, KFWB-AM, KHJ-AM and KLOS-FM, the NBC, ABC, and RKO Radio Networks, plus KTLA-TV. She retired from day-to-day broadcasting in 1996, after covering Hollywood for nine years in radio, TV, and print, for the Associated Press. She wrote and illustrated "The Frazzled Working Woman's Practical Guide to Motherhood," and is presently at work on a new craft book for kids and friends. A lifelong Democrat who began her political involvement in the Student Coalition for Humphrey-Muskie, and Tom Bradley's first L.A. Mayoral campaign, Mary currently is a weekly columnist for www.debateusa.com - from the Left.